Childhood and parental amnesia

I've read two very interesting articles in the past couple of days. They've got me thinking about the notion of what we remember both as parents and as children, and inevitably how Memory Pools relates to this.

The first article is an old BBC Radio 4 page (no longer maintained) all about childhood 'amnesia'. It basically talks about the fact that most people have very few memories before the age of 3 1/2 and the reasons for this. One theory states that the memories of our childhood do exist, but that as we grow older we lose the ability to access them. I must admit I do find this very convincing. Before we have language skills our memories are much more based around 'feelings' and these are much harder to remember. My only pre-three-year-old memory is of my mum sitting me on our sofa (without its usual cover on) and me crying because it had a very scratchy woolen surface (I've always been a sensitive type!). Interestingly, we also have a picture of me crying on that sofa so I'm not sure whether I remember the incident at all. Perhaps I 'created' the memory through looking at that image.

The second article (actually a blog post) talks about parental 'amnesia'. It discusses how as parents we have a wonderful ability to forget the hard times of bringng up children - essentially it's mother nature's way of ensuring we have more than one child! There are some really interesting points raised. The author rightly states that she has no desire to remind herself, or her children, of the sleepless nights and 'bad times' - she'd rather focus on the positive. Again, I agree with this, the only problem is that parental amnesia is a very blunt sword. For me, it's also the reason we fail to remember some of the good times, or certainly the detail of the good times. As the years pass, i have an ever more profound feeling that I'm forgetting many of the wonderful little moments my children have brought me. Yes, holidays and birthdays and Christmases are fairly clear (even though they are kind of melding together), but my amnesia goes beyond the time I'd rather forget.

To my mind, Memory Pools has a clear role to play - it provides the memory triggers. Providing a more detailed account of your child's childhood will inevitably help them remember more of it, perhaps allowing your children to access more of their earliest memories. Looking at my own children, there is nothing more they enjoy  than recollecting what they 'were like' by pulling out an old photo album and pouring over it. There is an in-built joy children have in seeing how much they have developed. My four year old constantly says, 'Remember when I was three, dad?' - blimey, it was only 6 months ago! Equally Memory Pools can help parents with memory triggers to overcome the dulling of memories over time, and the inevitable merging and confusion around what happened when. The way to achieve this is by making memory capture a reflex action.

Why is it important to remember? I've talked about this more here, but there is something hugely comforting about remembering. It strengthens bonds, it brings families together and the simple act of remembering to remember is itself a sign of the value we put on our time as parents, and of the love we have for our children.