30. September 2009 09:50by Adz Comments (7)

4¾ going on 13¾... where's my lovely little girl gone?

"I don't have to do what you say, Daddy. No. Go away." 

Blimey. She's only been at school for a month of her life and she's already developed a bit of an attitude problem. Then again so has her 9 year old brother.

Is there something about starting - or starting back - at school after the summer hols that sends children a bit loopy, or is it just my kids? I've talked before about the sudden changes that happen to our kids seemingly overnight, and it seems like we've hit another one, or rather two.

Anyway, let me rewind a little before calling social services and having them put into care. I do remember experiencing something like this before with the older of the two ruffians. A few years ago he started back at school and we actually got called in becuase he'd lost all his powers of concentration. As they described it, "He isn't like himself at all."

He soon settled down again but it did make us realise that starting school after a long period off does knock your children for six. That's what I hope has happened to our lovely little girl (because heaven forbid that it's a permanent change). We all know starting school is a huge milestone, but our adult minds still can't quite comprehend the sheer emotional and physical upheaval it is for our little ones.

Don't get my wrong, our daughter loves school and she was broken in gently by nursery and pre-school. But going to a full day where you actually have to start learning (a skill that you, ironically, have to learn) is a Big Thing. They also have to learn to put their hands up, to queue up for dinners, to use a water fountain (or 'water mountain' as she calls it)... it must be overwhelming.

Then again there are 'the other children'. You may have brought your kids up well and the upheaval-factor is definitely a big reason for the change, but I can't quite rid myself of the nagging doubt that she is being affected by a bad influence. Please no. With a little support from us she'll get through this, but bad influences are a whole different matter...

I think I'm being a little paranoid here. I've seen her classmates and they all look lovely, apart from one of them. Hang on... isn't that the one she's friends with? Not sure. Anyway I'm sure this is a little 'blip' that she'll soon get over. But I'd be really interested to hear if anyone else has encountered similar 'changes' in their children.

"Right, get on that naughty step... again."

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Comments

Laura
10/2/2009 11:25:31 AM #
When my daughter (5) started reception last year for the first two weeks of every school term she was unbearable ... very moody, answering back and I put it down to being tired and school being a shock to the system.  She started Year 1 in September and the moodiness started again but not as bad as last year.

Like you say it's a lot to take in, lots of new things to learn and usually straight after a nice relaxing stretch of time at home.
Maggie May
10/2/2009 9:03:32 PM #
This is so funny because it is exactly what has happened to my youngest granddaughter who has just started school. From a sweet child to one with a bit on an attitude problem.
The older one seems to have picked one of the naughtiest for a friend!
Hot Cross Mum
10/6/2009 1:24:56 PM #
I already suffer from backchat from my 4 yr old so god only knows what corkers he'll come out with when he starts school next year?! And then thre's the two-year-old who is truly terrifying! I think I spend more time on the naughty step than either of the two children!!!!
sarah
10/19/2009 8:23:11 PM #
Yes yes yes, this is the norm! Like you say it's a big thing for a child to get used to and every term its lie they rebel a little again, play up as if maybe that will make you stop taking them! My eldest is 6 and just started year 2, and to give you a little hope, I know its a while off, but this year it has clicked with her and she is really enjoying school, telling me all about her day and not as moody as she has been up until now. I think there may be some truth in the report about under 6's being too young to start school in the structured sense - I don't think there should be nothing but maybe n inbetween step to help them adjust easier?
adam
10/21/2009 10:32:53 AM #
Thanks for all your comments. She has settled down a bit, but the word 'No' is now a much more regular fixture in her vocabulary! I'm pretty convinced that 4 is too early for children to start full-time 'learning' - especially boys.
Kerry
10/21/2009 3:23:08 PM #
I'm so glad it's not just me! My 4-year-old son Joshua started in Reception at a UK school here in Singapore, just 6 weeks ago. It is a brilliant school and I have no issues with the school, the quality of teaching or the behaviour of the other kids in the class. He'd been at a 9am-1pm preschool, 4 days a week, since he was 16 months old but this was a big change. He adores school and is apparently an angel when he's there, and is doing extremely well (his teacher can't tell me enough good things about him) but his behaviour at home has transformed - I couldn't believe it. In many ways he has 'grown up' a lot and is doing amazingly well in terms of his treatment of his little sister, saying please and thank you, etc., but when he's tired or hungry his backchat, moodiness and temper tantrums have gone through the roof as well.  I think it's simply down to tiredness and dealing with a big change in environment and expectations - not so much the learning, but the social side of it, as you mention (putting up their hands, queuing, taking turns in a class of 20 instead of a class of 8, etc.) I'm trying to ride the wave and tell myself it will get better.  On the point that under 6's are too young to start learning - I think I disagree.  Joshua was more than ready to leave preschool and go to 'big school' - as I said, he just loves it. Isabel, his little sister who has just turned 3, is picking up his reading books and wanting to learn to write the letters and numbers like he is. Her pre-school teacher is starting to have problems with her frustration levels and we are thinking of moving her to the nursery class at Joshua's 'big school' next August instead of giving her another year at preschool like he had.  So I think it depends on the child. I do think that under 6 is too young for very formal learning and testing - here in Singapore the local kids start being tested at 4 and there are huge expectations on them academically from preschool.  I don't subscribe to that, but I believe that kids who want to learn, should be given the opportunity to do so. Nuff said!
adam
10/31/2009 11:05:36 AM #
Thanks Kerry. I think we're all riding that wave at the moment and, don't worry, it does get better! Regarding under 6, I agree that some children are more than ready at 4 (my daughter was!) it just so happened that my son really wasn't. What do you do? She's cruising and he struggled massively and I guess you can't have a one-size-fits all approach. I think you're right in that under 6 is far too young for very formal learning and testing. Being labelled as 'stuggling' or being made to feel that you aren't as good as other children made my son's head drop at an early age. It's interesting that what's given him lots more confidence (he's now 9) is Kumon, which I can thoroughly recommend - but again not from too early an age!
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